The Greatest Lesson About Love and Relationships -

You can love someone but never be in a relationship
And you can have a lasting relationship without any love
Because relationships are a choice, but love isn’t

Some time ago during a conversation between friends, one of them quipped ‘love is unconditional, relationships are not‘. The whole room went silent for a few seconds, as we all stopped to absorb that. Just a few simple words, but so, so heavy with truth.

We’ve been brainwashed into believing that both are the same, but separating the two makes life remarkably easier. Relationships are practical, love is anything but. But when we mix the two, we end up with impractical relationships and emotional addictions.

Love Comes with No Strings Attached

Love as a feeling, is indeed unconditional. It is often illogical, and we find for the people we least expect to. When love truly exists, nothing is too much, we are happy to give without expectation because the giving itself brings joy. However, while it seems romantic and idealistic at the start, this isn’t sustainable if it is one-sided.

Relationships….. Do Not

Relationships are a two-way street and give and take need to be more or less balanced. They are shaped by various factors such as communication, consistency, compatibility, and compromise. Unlike love, relationships are inherently conditional, shaped by mutual agreements, boundaries, and expectations. They require effort, understanding, and sometimes sacrifice to thrive.

In a relationship, both parties bring their unique experiences, beliefs, and desires, creating a dynamic interplay of emotions and behaviors. While love may form the cornerstone of these connections, the day-to-day interactions within a relationship are influenced by external factors such as communication patterns, conflict resolution skills, and shared goals.

They CAN Sometimes be Mutually Exclusive

You see, love can exist without a relationship. And relationships can exist without love too, if both parties are equally invested. In fact, it happens all the time, in families. The challenge comes in when we want to carry on an impractical relationship for the sake of love, or when we seek love in an otherwise beautiful and practical relationship. Once we distinguish between the feeling of love and love as a verb, things start to look very different.

The Real Foundation of a Relationship is Not Love

The rules are the same in all relationships, romantic or not, familial or not. While feeling love is a wonderful thing to have in any relationship, what really keeps it going are a few other things.

How invested are both of you? The real determining factor in a relationship is how sincere both people are in learning to accommodate the other person. A relationship is a journey of learning the other person’s pain and pleasure points, and learning how to trigger the latter and avoid the former. It is not about insisting that we only give the way we wish to give.
Mutual Respect: A basic respect for the other person’s needs and boundaries are highly essential for the relationship to thrive. Genuine respect for each other also fosters the ability to truly pay attention to the words – or sometimes the silences – of the other person, thereby nourishing the strongest pillar of relationships – communication.
Helping Each Other Grow: While this is not essential for relationships to survive, it is certainly essential for relationships to thrive. Emotionally intelligent people pay attention to what the other person loves and values, and do what they can to support their journey in that direction, even if they don’t agree with it.
Accepting Imperfections: People are not perfect, so relationships obviously will not be perfect. If both people are willing to accept and support each other in their limitations, then it creates room for mutual trust and a healthy dependency between each other.
Love Me Like This: Alain de Botton beautifully explains how the secret to intimacy in relationships lies in going beyond the need to be magically understood in times of pain, but putting in the effort in teaching the other person how we need to be loved.

Ultimately, we need to remember the difference between the delicate balance between the profound, unconditional love that binds us and the practical, day-to-day realities of navigating human connections. By honoring the essence of love while acknowledging the complexities of relationships, we can cultivate deeper understanding, compassion, and fulfillment in our interactions with others.

Author: Ashwita Goel learned meditation as a child and has practiced energy healing for 27 years. She has helped thousands of people overcome phobias, trauma, limiting beliefs, find confidence, enhance performance and improve their relationships through online sessions.