Understanding the Cycle of Abuse: Breaking the Pattern

The cycle of abuse is a complex and destructive pattern that can have profound effects on individuals and families. Understanding this cycle is crucial for breaking free from its grip and fostering healing and resilience. In this article, we delve into the stages of the cycle of abuse, its impact, and strategies for breaking free from its grasp. The cycle of abuse is often associated with having a narcissistic partner. Read here about the 15 signs you’re living with a narcissist.

The Cycle of Abuse

The cycle of abuse typically consists of four main stages: tension building, acute incident, reconciliation, and calm.

• The Tension Building Phase
  During the tension-building phase, minor conflicts and frustrations escalate, leading to increased stress and anxiety. This tension often manifests in verbal, emotional, or psychological abuse, creating a sense of fear and unease.
  
• The Acute Incident
  The second stage, the acute incident, is characterized by the peak of abuse, where physical, emotional, or sexual violence occurs. This can be a traumatic and dangerous period, marked by feelings of powerlessness, fear, and helplessness.
  
• Reconciliation
  Following the acute incident is the reconciliation phase, where the abuser may express remorse, apologize, or promise to change. This phase often involves manipulation and gaslighting, leading the victim to question their own experiences and perceptions. Despite the promises of change, the underlying issues remain unresolved, setting the stage for the cycle to repeat.
  
• Calm or The Perfect Partner Phase
  The final stage of the cycle is the calm phase, where tensions temporarily subside, and the relationship may appear stable. If the victim is reaching a point where they want to end the relationship, it will be more than just calm. Absolute perfection is displayed and the person is loving, kind, sensitive and supportive.
  
  These are the phases which convince the victim that change is indeed possible and the abuser only needs the right sort of support to change. However, beneath the surface, unresolved issues and underlying tensions persist, waiting to resurface and perpetuate the cycle once again.

Understanding the Cycle

Over time, the abuse increases and the phase of calm or love bombing reduces until it is almost non-existent. The more trapped the victim is, the more abusive the partner can become. If the victim leaves the relationship temporarily, the love bombing phase is intensified and once things are back to normal, the next cycle of abuse is typically more intense than the last.

Impact of the Cycle of Abuse

The cycle of abuse can have profound and lasting effects on victims, including physical injuries, emotional trauma, low self-esteem, and mental health issues such as depression and anxiety. Children who witness abuse may experience long-term psychological and emotional damage, perpetuating the cycle across generations.

Breaking the Cycle

Breaking free from the cycle of abuse requires courage, support, and resources. Recognizing and acknowledging the cycle is the first step towards healing and empowerment. Seeking support from trusted friends, family members, or professionals can provide validation, guidance, and resources for safety planning and intervention.

The Biggest Challenges in Letting Go

There are typically a few aspects that make letting go extremely challenging.

• Addiction to the Highs
  The good phases can be extremely pleasurable and no healthy relationship can match this high. It is important to understand that this is an addiction. Just like healthy food cannot give you the rush of cocaine, a healthy relationship cannot give you the immense loved-up feeling a toxic relationship can.
  
• Hope for Change
  The promises of change are very believable and the victim is often led to believe that if they behave themselves or change, everything will be fine. Look at the last 5 or 10 times this happened. What are the concrete steps taken to improve? The real question to be asking here is not when or how he/ she will change but whether you can live with this your whole life.
  
• Dependency
  A financial and emotional dependency is typically created so that the victim has nowhere to go. Put all your efforts into getting a job and reconnecting with loving family and friends so that you have a support system in place when shit hits the fan.
  
• Children
  One of the biggest fears of parents trying to exit an abusive marriage is that the children are then victimised. The more attached the victim is to the child/ren, the more they will be hurt in order to manipulate them. The only way out of this is to mentally prepare to lose the children. It is a very hard one, but the more detached you are, the less the children will be tormented.

Other Steps That Help

Establishing and enforcing healthy boundaries is essential for protecting oneself from further harm and asserting one’s autonomy and self-worth. This may involve seeking legal protection, accessing counseling or therapy, and developing a safety plan for emergencies.

Education and awareness are powerful tools for breaking the cycle of abuse and promoting healthy relationships. By challenging societal norms and attitudes that condone or minimize abuse, we can create a culture of accountability, empathy, and respect.

Learning and practicing Reiki self-healing every day can provide a lot of inner strength and the way out of the freeze mode, brain-fog and depression/ anxiety that often debilitate the victim. Therapy sessions using methods like hypnotherapy or EFT can also help release a lot of the fears and mental blocks that keep a person stuck.

Conclusion

The cycle of abuse is a pervasive and damaging pattern that affects individuals, families, and communities. By understanding the stages of the cycle, its impact, and strategies for breaking free, we can empower survivors, promote healing, and create a future free from violence and abuse.

Author: Ashwita Goel learned meditation as a child and has practiced energy healing for 27 years. She has helped thousands of people overcome phobias, trauma, limiting beliefs, find confidence, enhance performance and improve their relationships through online sessions.

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