95% of People Don’t Know These Basics of Communication

It is common knowledge that our style of communication plays a crucial role in how we interact with others. It influencing the outcomes of our conversations and relationships. Three primary methods of communication—assertive, aggressive, and submissive—distinguish how individuals express themselves and engage with others. Understanding these styles can help in developing more effective communication strategies.

Assertive Communication

Assertive communication is characterized by expressing oneself openly, honestly, and authentically. It balances personal needs with the needs of others, promoting mutual understanding and cooperation. Assertive communicators:

• Have high self-esteem and are protective of their rights while respecting others’.
• Express themselves socially and emotionally, making their own choices and taking responsibility for them.
• Ask directly for needs to be met, accepting the possibility of rejection.
• Maintain an open posture, good eye contact, and a medium pitch and speed in their voice.
• Use language that is direct yet polite, such as “I am so sorry, but I won’t be able to help you with your project this afternoon, as I have a dentist appointment.”
• Encourage others to take them at their word and feel respected and valued.

Aggressive Communication

Aggressive communication focuses solely on the communicator’s needs at the expense of others’. It lacks empathy and respect, often resulting in frustration, anger, and a sense of alienation among listeners. Aggressive communicators:

• Prioritize their own needs over the needs of others, leading to perceptions of selfishness or arrogance.
• May lose temper easily, make decisions for others without listening, and use confrontation or intimidation to get their way.
• Argue when faced with disagreements or when they don’t get their way, often criticizing or shaming those who disagree.

Submissive Communication

Submissive communication involves prioritizing the needs and feelings of others at one’s own personal cost. It often leads to self-sacrifice, avoidance, and people-pleasing, which can result in being taken for granted, inequality in relationships, and exploitation. Submissive communicators:

• Quickly give in and find it hard to voice their opinions, often putting the needs of others before their own.
• Agree to everything they are asked to do to avoid potential conflict, making it difficult to say ‘no.’
• Are often dominated by those who have aggressive or manipulative communication styles.

Adjusting Communication Styles

For those whose communication style leans towards submissive, adjusting to a more assertive stance can be beneficial. Strategies include:

• Being open about workload and setting realistic expectations.
• Voicing opinions and ideas more frequently.
• Practicing assertiveness by saying ‘no’ when necessary and clearly stating boundaries.
• Building confidence and self-esteem.

In summary, assertive communication is the healthiest and most effective style, striking a balance between being too aggressive and too passive. It promotes mutual understanding, cooperation, and positive interactions. Aggressive communication, focused solely on the communicator’s needs, can lead to conflict and alienation. Submissive communication, characterized by prioritizing others’ needs at one’s own expense, can result in being taken advantage of. Understanding and adjusting these communication styles can lead to more effective and harmonious interactions.

Author: Ashwita Goel learned meditation as a child and has practiced energy healing for 27 years. She has helped thousands of people overcome stress, anxiety, phobias, trauma, find confidence and enhance performance through online sessions.

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